new year, same rules.

I know, 2012.


The world is going to end, we're 10+ years past Y2K, we're globally at each other's throats, financially at our knees, and technologically plugged in from every angle. 


It seems that every new year starts with solid ambition, true determinations for change, and ways to improve ourselves, body and soul. The gyms are packed with new members, we have begun an early-morning meditation routine, we are kicking our bad habits, smoking, gossiping, procrastination, sugar, we are promising new accomplishments and worthwhile hobbies, big beginnings and out-with-a-bang endings.


Though the tone might seem sarcastically otherwise, I am actually a fan of resolutions, of resolving, of challenging ourselves and deciding to try harder, dig deeper, go further. The major problem, however, that everyone seems to find, is that when these commitments don't work out, when we don't lose twenty pounds or finish that scrapbook or master a new language, we blame ourselves, we point towards the pressure we faced, the inevitable factors that fought against us, the ways in which we were destined to fail. 


And by then, it's only February.


While there are no guaranteed ways to make sure your aspirations don't become complicated, tripped up, or ignored, the most reasonable idea I can concoct is that we should be comfortable choosing more achievable goals. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to run a marathon or read the top 100 classics of literature (umm, I'm sorry but ZZZ), sometimes it's okay to focus on tiny changes that will benefit us directly, will resonate with who we are specifically, things that will enhance our surroundings and therefore our attitudes. For example:


Two winters ago, due to a new year that brought change of several varieties, I decided that the best stab I could take at a life makeover was to repaint my high school room from its shabby pale pink (which teenage trepidation led me to cover with sorrowful lyrics in black permanent marker) to a sea-foam green hue aptly titled "Green Myth." ...when did green become such a big part of me?


Paint is paint, I know. The world is not a different place because of a mere color change. But green is newness and calm-spirited and wholly natural. And it is only an example of what tiny accomplishments can do for our being, and the wellness of it all. Even though I would really love if I could compose a to-do list, number one saying in bold print "NEW JOB" and the rest would all fall into my lap, or into place. Even though that is always at the top of all hypothetical and mental lists of mine, the big-picture-small-steps version is more likely to pan out successfully. 


I think.


So? For now, my aims are [still] as follows:

1. To seek out new positions daily, spending a reasonable though not overwhelming window of uninterrupted time doing so, and to submit interest to 2-4 positions a week 

2. If 2-4 options don't present themselves in a week's time (which is a likely possibility), to not write off this self-imposed requirement as a useless frustration (also a likely possibility, if you want to know the goddamn truth). 

3. And, going along with the second, to remain consistent, to remember what other things makes my life joyful in the midst of being tested, and, when all else fails, to remain hopeful in the face of difficulty.

As a whole, these determinations remain daunting, as they have since the beginning, and I'm already not feeling the motivational pull as strongly as I'd like to be. But the point is to remind ourselves of what we can do now, rather than worrying about what life looks like ten years down the road, more on bettering ourselves today than hoping to become this more dynamic, interesting individual later. That, of course, depends on what our actions look like in the present. And small movement is better than standing still and saying we can't. So one step at a time, let's move.