Calling All Magaziners

I just wanted to make a note of a website I've found helpful during this ever-searching time in my life.

I stumbled upon it during one of my positive-turned-frantic Google searches, usually starting with something like "new job" and ending (dramatically) with a phrase along the lines of "find me a job that doesn't suck blah blah this BLOWS."

Perhaps not word for word, but sadly, how damn close it comes.

Anyway, should you be like me and also interested in a job that leans towards the creative end of the spectrum, particularly in anything having to do with writing, editing, photography, or graphic design, let me introduce you to www.ed2010.com. I found this pretty awesome website through one of my more productive online pursuits. I believe what I typed in the search bar was "magazine jobs." It can be that simple.

Ed2010 is pretty much as cool as it gets. They're a group of volunteers (imagine that) who not only want the same jobs as you, but want to help you from whatever state you're in; laid-off, college-grad, switching gears, etc. Realizing that it's a competitive market, they started this website with a little golden-rule attitude. They're doing unto others, constantly giving tips on nailing the right job, the perfect interview, and of course, daily listing new opportunities (ranging from freelance to temporary to full-time) for those who seek.

I've applied for a lot of positions using Ed. I visit their site daily. That's part of remaining consistent in such a time as this. Find the places that appeal to you, the sites that share openings that just scream "THIS IS ME, PICK ME," and keep checking back. Nope, no response yet, but. Any day now. That's just the way I choose to spin this.

And just like that, glass half full.

Eureka

I just found an espresso bean in my bed.

Now this is not an ordinary occurrence, mind you. I pulled back the sheet in order to straighten it around, oh, two in the afternoon. And there was the little glossy black intruder, batting his eyelashes at me, taunting.

Please do let me immediately clarify a few things. I do not regularly drink my morning joe in bed, propped up lazily with my reading glasses and the paper. (I do not even wear reading glasses; the image only seemed appropriate.) My sheets are, in fact, quite clean, as I wash them every Friday morning. I do not make a habit of keeping said beans in my pockets, purse, or shoes.

Rude as he may be, what this small bean symbolizes is a revelation.

The likely culprit is that damned green apron that I daily don that I probably, one afternoon this week, tossed lazily across the foot of my bed, in the middle of something else, another thought or agenda, and the bean that had stowed away in one of the deep side pockets ran out, making himself comfortable in a space where he was most certainly not welcome. I imagine him laughing all the way, swinging his arms in a free and forward motion.

Even though I am slightly (if not completely) past the point of realizing that I need a step in a different direction, this made me quite literally slap my forehead in an overdone awareness: once again, I know that it is time for the world to move on.

So how can you tell? What are the indications, obvious or hidden, that an effective-immediately change is in order? I'd say the best way to figure that out is to first and foremost, Know Thyself. Have you changed? How? Are you better than before? Are you ... worse? Do you find yourself doing or saying things that shock even you, are you unsure of yourself in certain moments, do you seem dragged down? This information is key.

From here, grab the ice pick and keep hacking towards the center. Start with some questions like:

Do I dread going into my job?

Do I feel like my health is fading/fluctuating?

Am I making enough money to pay my bills?

Is the commute killing me?

Am I bringing work home with me, physically and/or mentally?

Do I get along with my co-workers? My boss?

What is the work environment like? Negative? Positive? Non-existent?

Am I stuck in a stand-still position?

Easy. The answers, not the process. That is, of course, only if you are honest with yourself. If you are not sure that you can be, have something else make the inquiries, someone trustworthy who will understand your dilemma.

This doesn't just have to be about whether or not it's time to escape a certain atmosphere. This can even be a way to figure out if you just need a career change, drastic or otherwise. (Remember, though: On career-ing, I can't really give you awesome advice. I'm not really oriented in that direction. What I can advise, and advocate for whole-heartedly, is that people find a way to do something worth loving. New interest, old stand-by, anything. Make it something you're proud to get behind and happy to do.)

The signs may surprise you. They may be full-blown, enormous, towering over at you bellowing that you obey them. They may fall through the cracks, you may not see them for what they are right away. Still, the signs get that it's a hard road, but that won't stop them from wanting your attention. So give it. Look their way and think it over.

Look for the beans in your bed. Tell them flatly where they can go, then give a push.

Then change your sheets.

On vs. Off

Do you know the rush of motivation?

I do, sometimes. It is usually only a momentary thing, a sudden impulse to create or remove. I usually purge my closet during times like this. It helps to keep busy.

I'm no expert on the best and worst times to begin a new project, or to continue on in a started endeavor. I've often debated on the pros and cons of job search timing and when seems to be the best hour to sit in front of your laptop, crack your knuckles in determination (A mere example, of course. My personal form of preparation is a cup of tea and angry music.), and push forward.

The pros of The Search on a day that you have just spent at your current hated job/a day where you will be attending said job shortly:

1. You've searched. This is always a pro, no matter the result.

2. You may feel more determined to find an alternative to your current situation.

3. You are on a time limit which, surprisingly, can be good. Endless hours in front of a computer screen can damage any level of positivity and/or awake-ness, this I know.

And the cons:

1. Should you come up empty-handed, sad reality that this is, you then are forced to think about the awful day you just had or worse, still have to go in for an eight-hour shift that now seems altogether bleaker than before.

2. You are on a time limit, which is a con only in the sense that you may not give proper and full attention to details, you may mix up current sites, you may find yourself rushing through resume updates and cover letters only so that you are able to promptly apply for the position.

Now, the pros of The Search on a day where you are free to sleep in and do as you please:

1. My to-do list seems longer on these days. Despite this, and hopefully, you should be able to devote more time to the cause on these days. Even if that means physically penciling it in, do it. Prioritize just as you would laundry, errands, trips to the gym, hygiene. It's a part of your life as much as anything else. Include it as such.

2. Suddenly Facebook and re-runs of Will & Grace, catching up with old friends, + online shopping may seem a lot more appealing than yet another search engine. Distracted, maybe, but this could lead you down avenues you are not outright looking for. Maybe an online friend has a new business that inspires you. Maybe some new reality show gives you ideas for your next step. I know, stretching it out here, but, why not?

3. You've searched. And this is still always a pro, no matter the result.

The cons, you ask?

1. I don't know about you, but I can often feel an extreme lack of urgency on days like this. I'm not an overly busy human being, but I exhaust quite easily. Job searching makes me feel like a constant scavenger.

2. On a day like today, an off day for myself, I just spent the last four hours in front of my computer. I am worn out, my eyes hurt, and I didn't find anything to apply for. Not even close. I don't feel terrible about it, mostly because I had no other pressing appointments, and the weather has been pretty lousy. Spending the afternoon at my dining room table was not a total waste of time. It was, however, frustrating.

3. You may now be thinking of the next time you return to your current job. You might feel a little drained. You may feel jittery from the four cups of coffee you just had. I'm not sure.

The bottom line or common thread here is one pro: you've SEARCHED. Maybe no definitive conclusions have been drawn, maybe not one reply to one job poster has been written. But I really think that's okay. Just because you put in the time does not mean there will always be a possibility laid out. But you have checked for it. That counts. You have put in the time towards it, you have devoted yourself to the cause for another day, you have overturned rocks and called out into the distance. If all you can hear is the echo of your own weary voice, try again. Eventually, someone with the ears to hear will respond.

More opportunities will be posted the next day. Maybe by then you will decide if you're the grad student type, if you'd like to try a different route altogether, maybe you'll re-examine your savings account to decide what your options are. The point is to treat this action as you would any other form of responsibility. It has to be cultivated and attended to. It needs constant care and attention. Every now and then it has to be walked away from, ignored for a moment so deep breaths can be taken. It will not shrivel and die if you take the afternoon off to take a walk or read a book or nap. But it's a needy cause, that refuses to be taken lightly. For however long you ignore it, it will only pull harder at the edge of your shirt or your dress or your jeans, begging to be noticed. You won't forget about it, to the point where you feel stuck behind it, cornered, crushed. Give it your full focus, and it will wail softer. But don't measure your level of accomplishment based on whether or not you've found a job, applied for one, were hired by a new company. The important thing here is the first step.

Seek, and you will find. Eventually. Right?

Day One

The first thing I should begin with is a slight correction on the accuracy of the dates behind this inspiration to document.

I was going to do this on a day-by-day basis, though not necessarily daily because, let's face it, one can only scour countless job postings for hours on end maybe every other day. Though the key here is persistence, so maybe I will start out (or continue out) with my own odd form of vengeance. Fingers crossed.

What you need to know is, when I begin here with DAY ONE, I’m merely admitting that this is only the first day that I’ve begun to document this ongoing quest for some level of employment that doesn’t reek of humiliation and/or after-school job and/or minimum wage and/or coffee. Trust me, there are only so many years you can be a barista, short of owning your own cute, super-cool, and preferably earth-conscious and locals-supporting shop. Otherwise, shit gets old, folks, and people get mean.

Just a side-note, already: Anyone can do anything that makes them the happiest, and should that be some form of customer service, let alone customer food service, if that's what really makes you get up and go, than not only do I bow (slightly) in your presence, but dear heavens, what a patient person you must be. Bless you, and I'm sorry, only because that is not a path meant for everyone, at least not in any permanent stance, and may you always find fulfillment in such.

But back to the day-by-day basis plan: where that starts to crack just a smidge is when I admit that I did not just graduate from college a week ago. I did not just start looking for employment yesterday. This is not, I need a summer job so I can afford movie tickets and cute sandals.

More precisely, I first started looking arounddd ... April 2009.

And I graduated in May of that same year.

Most people would define that as a late start. Or procrastination. Honestly, I was just busy. It was my last semester, I had classes, I was working, I had relationships to foster. I wasn't worried. This really isn't where the problem began.

I majored in Writing, more specifically focused on the creative end of the spectrum, though I took many classes geared towards journalism, literary criticism, and editing. I went to a basic, no-name liberal arts school. I'm not saying that in a poor-me-I-didn't-get-into-Harvard way. I'm also not saying it was a bad school. I earned a BA in Writing, a bachelor's degree, the standard. That was the point, right?

Right. Sort of. I wasn't massively concerned with a job in my field. I enjoyed the classes, the subject, the process. I liked the idea of being a crazed insomniac, spending my evenings hunched over a typewriter, feeling inspired in the latest hours of the night. Occasionally I could picture myself writing articles for an interesting magazine, researching, walking through a swanky, artsy building with an introspective look on my face and a pencil behind my ear.

So, I looked for a job. A little, sometimes. I googled things and I heard (some) advice from my professors. Persistence, they said, a strong will. A stronger sense of self. An ability to take criticism. Write a book, they said, find a literary agent. Tell your stories, send out resumes.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true, I'd say, I'd nod along. I nodded all the way to the stage to receive my diploma, which looked a lot smaller and cheaper than I'd imagined. It was just a piece of faded paper, if you want to know the truth. It was printed nicely, don't get me wrong. I wasn't sure what to do with it. It's in my sock drawer, buried in the back in the dark, next to the pairs I tend to ignore for their discomfort or awkward color.

I earned it, of course. I took my classes. I studied. I read a lot. I wrote and rewrote and rewrote. I threw away entire papers and stories in frustration and then frantically penned original scripts the nights before they were due, in a panic, but smiling at finally finding some real revelation.

And then summer came. And I'd taken a trip to Europe, and I'd thought a little bit about myself, and I got home and I stood in my high school bedroom, boxes everywhere, and I looked around at the mess and I froze. Just for a moment, at the time, just for a second, just a slight wave of anxiety, just a small tug at the corner of everything. I knew I had to find a job quickly, any job, make a little money, move out, get out. It wouldn't be so bad, and I could do it easily, I imagined. I wasn't looking for anything permanent at the time, because that word didn't exist to me, and I was only here long enough to blink, and I'd be gone, doing bigger things, fighting a bigger cause, seeing the outside world.

Without getting too far ahead of myself, that is when we cut to present day, two years gone by, with the only thing to add to my resume being 2+ years of retail experience in corporate America, a stack of perpetually dirty black clothes, and the faint smell of espresso beans lingering on just about everything I own.

There's a little background on the situation, there's a goal in mind, there's a form of keeping myself accountable to continuing this search with a better purpose, to striking out some options, to listing my pros and cons, to moving forward.

So here's the plan:

1.Being as honest as possible about my consistency in what most or all post-grad (and even moderate professionals) would shudder at and call a “job search.” I search a lot, and often, I guess, but I hate every minute of it, and it usually doesn’t bring me any real luck. I'm going to keep doing it, though, because I'm the only one that can bring a real change to this situation. A job fairy or Jesus isn't going to show up, equip me, hire me, and send me on my way. I will do something about this, and I will do my best to share with you what I find helpful and what is downright useless.

2. I will do my best to not let this become a massive bitchfest of "Nobody's hiring" or "Everything sucks" or "Screw my current job" (though, really, screw it, if you must know) or "I don't know what I want to do, sob-cry-wail." All these things are unfortunate facts and pitfalls of this situation so many of us are finding ourselves in. Essentially, it blows. But what WON'T help is a big fat commiseration. I've already dug myself a pretty comfortable pit so far. I don't want it going any deeper. And ...

3. I'm not going to pretend this process is easy. I'll talk about where I apply, where I look, who I do and don't hear back from, what I do and do not qualify for, freelancing, permanent positioning, other alternatives ie. more school, training, transportation of self, owning a business options, starting from scratch, saving etc. I'll tell the truth. It's difficult to tell as much as it is difficult to hear. Finally,

4. Despite all of this, I won't ever pretend that a good job is the end-all answer. It's a hope, perhaps, since it tends to be where we wind up devoting a lot of our personal time. Our lives are short, in the big scheme of things. I'm not saying this is a reason for us to toss it in and forget our sense of responsibility. There are things we are good at. There are things we enjoy. Should we be able to use those things occupationally, swell. But I will constantly remind myself, and therefore you, that while everything is not simultaneously falling into place, because things can't roll quite that smoothly (telling the truth, remember?), there are other ways to enjoy your life. (Really.)

So that's it. That's where this all starts. I hope, in the process of figuring out my own situation that this can prove helpful to someone else in the same boat in the same ocean in the same storm in the same winter as me.

It's a new season, and the search (re)begins.