On vs. Off

Do you know the rush of motivation?

I do, sometimes. It is usually only a momentary thing, a sudden impulse to create or remove. I usually purge my closet during times like this. It helps to keep busy.

I'm no expert on the best and worst times to begin a new project, or to continue on in a started endeavor. I've often debated on the pros and cons of job search timing and when seems to be the best hour to sit in front of your laptop, crack your knuckles in determination (A mere example, of course. My personal form of preparation is a cup of tea and angry music.), and push forward.

The pros of The Search on a day that you have just spent at your current hated job/a day where you will be attending said job shortly:

1. You've searched. This is always a pro, no matter the result.

2. You may feel more determined to find an alternative to your current situation.

3. You are on a time limit which, surprisingly, can be good. Endless hours in front of a computer screen can damage any level of positivity and/or awake-ness, this I know.

And the cons:

1. Should you come up empty-handed, sad reality that this is, you then are forced to think about the awful day you just had or worse, still have to go in for an eight-hour shift that now seems altogether bleaker than before.

2. You are on a time limit, which is a con only in the sense that you may not give proper and full attention to details, you may mix up current sites, you may find yourself rushing through resume updates and cover letters only so that you are able to promptly apply for the position.

Now, the pros of The Search on a day where you are free to sleep in and do as you please:

1. My to-do list seems longer on these days. Despite this, and hopefully, you should be able to devote more time to the cause on these days. Even if that means physically penciling it in, do it. Prioritize just as you would laundry, errands, trips to the gym, hygiene. It's a part of your life as much as anything else. Include it as such.

2. Suddenly Facebook and re-runs of Will & Grace, catching up with old friends, + online shopping may seem a lot more appealing than yet another search engine. Distracted, maybe, but this could lead you down avenues you are not outright looking for. Maybe an online friend has a new business that inspires you. Maybe some new reality show gives you ideas for your next step. I know, stretching it out here, but, why not?

3. You've searched. And this is still always a pro, no matter the result.

The cons, you ask?

1. I don't know about you, but I can often feel an extreme lack of urgency on days like this. I'm not an overly busy human being, but I exhaust quite easily. Job searching makes me feel like a constant scavenger.

2. On a day like today, an off day for myself, I just spent the last four hours in front of my computer. I am worn out, my eyes hurt, and I didn't find anything to apply for. Not even close. I don't feel terrible about it, mostly because I had no other pressing appointments, and the weather has been pretty lousy. Spending the afternoon at my dining room table was not a total waste of time. It was, however, frustrating.

3. You may now be thinking of the next time you return to your current job. You might feel a little drained. You may feel jittery from the four cups of coffee you just had. I'm not sure.

The bottom line or common thread here is one pro: you've SEARCHED. Maybe no definitive conclusions have been drawn, maybe not one reply to one job poster has been written. But I really think that's okay. Just because you put in the time does not mean there will always be a possibility laid out. But you have checked for it. That counts. You have put in the time towards it, you have devoted yourself to the cause for another day, you have overturned rocks and called out into the distance. If all you can hear is the echo of your own weary voice, try again. Eventually, someone with the ears to hear will respond.

More opportunities will be posted the next day. Maybe by then you will decide if you're the grad student type, if you'd like to try a different route altogether, maybe you'll re-examine your savings account to decide what your options are. The point is to treat this action as you would any other form of responsibility. It has to be cultivated and attended to. It needs constant care and attention. Every now and then it has to be walked away from, ignored for a moment so deep breaths can be taken. It will not shrivel and die if you take the afternoon off to take a walk or read a book or nap. But it's a needy cause, that refuses to be taken lightly. For however long you ignore it, it will only pull harder at the edge of your shirt or your dress or your jeans, begging to be noticed. You won't forget about it, to the point where you feel stuck behind it, cornered, crushed. Give it your full focus, and it will wail softer. But don't measure your level of accomplishment based on whether or not you've found a job, applied for one, were hired by a new company. The important thing here is the first step.

Seek, and you will find. Eventually. Right?